There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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