don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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