In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
a search helicopter?!
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
