he thought i was a dude.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
