he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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