I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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