NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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