i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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