Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
