Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
