maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
