I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
