she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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