Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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