$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
