You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Randomize
