cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
