Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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