Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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