Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
