Cold hands, warm shart.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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