i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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