he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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