You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
