the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
