it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so let's talk penis.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
