I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
