You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
