I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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