i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
