We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
