I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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