Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
