No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
