She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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