There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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