just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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