I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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