I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
it's great music for shaving your balls
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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