Kiss
Puke
i would punch a child for taco bell
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
