Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
