is wine microwaveable?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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