i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
