i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
