watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
