theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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