Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i now understand why vodka
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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