She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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