Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
