All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
this is an emotional support booty call
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
