This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
